Guide to NES l33tn355


Here is the official page for detailed instructions on becoming a l33t NES player (its actually a blatant ripoff of localized for the NES community, but anywho..)

Post your l33t finds

This one shouldn't even need to be said. You MUST make a post on an NES message board EVERY time you buy an NES game, with the word "l33t" in the title. Even if it's not that good of a find, you still must refer to it as a "l33t find" or "l33t brag". Why? No one knows, you just have to. The only exception to this is if you buy Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt, in which case you can't be l33t anyway, since you paid ACTUAL money for SMB/DH. When you get a new NES, you should know to get SMB/DH the same day, wait more than a week and you can never buy it without muddying your chances at being l33t.

You must have an extreme opinion of 1942

Don't ask why, just do it. You must either think 1942 is the greatest shooter ever made, or that it's a steaming pile of shit, but to think of 1942 as "so-so" or "pretty good" is completely unacceptable if you want to be l33t. If you've never played 1942, it doesn't matter, just pick one and stick with it. Flip a coin or something.

SWEET HOME must be capitalized at all times

The words "SWEET HOME" are at least 10 times as important as the next most important phrase, so they must be capitalized at all times. Saying "Sweet Home" (and I do that ONLY as an example) will terminate any chances you ever had of attaining l33tn355. "SH" is OK, but don't overdo it.

Nintendo is now the synagogue of Satan

You have to criticize everything Nintendo has done in the last 4 years. Everything they do sucks. Think of the N64 and its fans as an enemy army, and you are the last of the mohicans. You must diss the N64 on occasion, even if you like it. Hell I think it's a good system, but it must be dissed at least every now and then if l33tn355 is to be attained. It's a tradition that must be witheld.

Use l33t sp34k

Don't worry, you don't have to be one of those 31337 r0mz h4x0r d00d5, just use simple l33t speak sometimes. Change the word "Yo" to "y0" and a few other simple modifications and you have this area covered.

Be a bullshitter

This one is necessary. If someone makes a post saying that they beat Battletoads, you must come up with some inane lie about how you beat it blindfolded using a Powerglove without losing a life. People will call you a fucking liar, but that's what you want them to do. It is a sign of l33tn355.

Idolize Ace Ebb

Even though he looks like a woman and there are thousands of NES players better than him, you must always cite Ace as the true master of the NES. Memorize the URL to his picture, Join the Ace Ebb fan club, and idiotically blabber about his special owl lamp powers. THIS ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT. You CAN NOT 'not like' Ace Ebb and still be l33t, it's not possible. Ace Ebb and NES l33tn355 go hand in hand.

Everything EGM does sucks

l33t NES players all have a thing against EGM. Every time EGM says anything that even remotely sounds like it could be a stab at the NES, or "classic/retro gaming" in general, you must blow it WAAAAY out of proportion and then rave about how bad EGM sucks. You must also always refer to Crispin Boyer as "that fat bastard". Don't ask, just do, nevermind the fact that that fat bastard Crispin Boyer isn't really all that fat. Which brings us to the next item....

|tsr is fat

Every time you're online and |tsr is mentioned, you must reply "|tsr is fat". It doesn't matter if you don't know who |tsr is, or that he's not really fat, just say it. You want to be l33t don't you?

Well that covers most of it. Use these tips and become l33t, just like Ace Ebb!


Special note, almost everything on this page is not true and completely retarded