|
|
Luigi sits down with the legendary second banana to Dracula, the Grim Reaper (Or 'Death', as he now prefers to be called).
Luigi: So, Grimmy, how....
Grim Reaper: DON'T call me that! My new name is 'Deattthhhh'.
Luigi: ....OK then, uh, Death..
Death: NO NO NO NO NO!! You're not saying it right! Its 'Deattthhh'.
Luigi (confused): What prompted you to change your name to 'Deattthhh'?
Death: It was a show biz move, they were thinking of taking me out of the series in Castlevania 3. I
needed a gimmick. I needed a new name, something short, punchy and to the point, kinda like 'Prince'
and 'Queen'. I came up with 'Deattthhh', and was hired on the spot.
Luigi: Very interesting. Lets talk about your history with the dark prince, Dracula. How do you get
along with him? You seem like one of the only people that can really get through to the evil
necromancer himself, others who try to talk to him are usually beheaded or impaled.
Death: Drac is a great guy, just widely misunderstood. You kill a couple thousand people and all of a
sudden you have nuts like the Belmont family out to destroy you. It can be frustrating, and take its toll
on anyone, even a guy like Dracula.
Luigi: What do you and Dracula do when you are just hangin' out?
Death: We surf the net, of course its slow as hell because we dont even have 56K modems out here in
Transylvania, you can forget about cable modems. Thats a real pain when we are playing Quake.
Every now and then a Belmont descendant will break into the castle, HOW RUDE! We have a lot of
fun playing pranks on the Belmonts and then we act like we're all evil and out to destroy the land.
Drac always pretends to be beaten by the Belmonts, its really the only way to get them out. Once they
think he's dead, they leave, and we have peace for at least a few more years.
Luigi: How is your business deal with Dracula? What exactly do you do, working for the dark prince.
Death: I have a great job, I dont really do anything. Just pretend to be really spooky when the
Belmonts come along, help Drac with his acting skills when we are producing a new Castlevania
game, and if he is sick, I make him some chicken noodle soup and make sure he gets better. Its a
really good deal, I have full dental benefits and I can retire after 2000 years of service.
Luigi: Enough about Dracula, lets talk about you. What have you been up to recently?
Death: I've been working on my part in Castlevania Ressurection for the Dreamcast. After a few more
sessions and some photo shoots, I'll be done with that. I've also been putting together a band.
Luigi: A BAND!?
Death: Yeah, I've seen the potential of teeny bopper boy bands and thought "Why cant I do that?", so
I put together my band, 'Deattthhh and the Hellside Boys'. Our first album should be out in the
summer of 2001. Our very first single, 'You make me feel undead, baby', is playing on select radio
stations around the country. We already have a sizable following of trend-chasing pre-teen girls.
Luigi: How do you feel about the fact that history proves that boy bands dont last long? Do you think
your group has lasting power in the public eye?
Death: Yes, and for 2 reasons. 1, I am a sexy hunk of man (Luigi cringes), and 2, teeny bopper girls
are into older men, and I have everyone else beat in that division, I'm over 800 years old.
Luigi: Cant argue with that point. In closing, 'Deattthhh' , what advice do you have for the tens of , um,
tens of young people out there who will read this interview?
Death: I think its very important that you stay off of drugs, that you buy every Castlevania game ever
made, and that you get the new album by 'Deattthhh and the Hellside Boys' when it comes out. Also,
dont whiz on any electic fences.
Luigi: Thank you for your time. You are a gentleman and a scholar.
END
 Death's boy group, 'Deattthhhh and the Hellside Boys' |